Dear Abba Diaries

Dear Abba,

Today is one of those nights. You know the ones where I can't stop thinking about you? The ones where my eyes leak as though some taps been left open? Where my heart feels like its been cut open and butchered in places I never knew existed? Yes, those ones.

They said that with enough time it would hurt less, that the constant throbbing pain would stop. They said that I would get better with living my life and moving on. But they lied. It never lessens. It never stops. I never move on.

Every part of me has a part of you, and every moment of mine has your presence. Abba, you live through me. And whilst others can't see it, you. never. left. me.

I can feel you sometimes, and for a moment I sink into your arms. Your strong, broad shoulders, that shielded me from everyone and everything. Your smell, Abba - I can smell you. Its weird isn't it? The things I remember. I miss you, Abba. And there are days when I can't go on. Days like today when I can't stop hurting, when I can't stop crying, when I can't wait any more, when a lifetime seems forever and your arms seem so far away.

I close my eyes and hope to meet you soon. To be the little girl, that you never saw grow. Perhaps I'll dream of you tonight. Perhaps you'll comfort me. Perhaps you'll kiss me better. Perhaps.

© Amy Serafina