My mum has a multitude of tablets. This evening I was sorting them into their allocated spaces within the dossette box. Menial task, always menial. Every other week, same thing. This evening though, I was feeling particularly low. The mood got lower as the day progressed and I was surprised to find myself thinking thoughts that I hadn’t for a long time. What if I took them all? Maybe just for a moment I would have some silence. No thoughts going round and round, accusatory, blaming, guilt ridden, soul destroying thoughts. It would be so simple. So easy. Just reach out and take them. Everyone would be better off without me complicating things. HE wouldn’t have the complication of ME. I’ve become what I never wanted to become. A cocktail of contradictions. And right now, it hurts. The one thing I’ve waited for so long just gets further and further apart.

 

© Amy Serafina