After a while you learn...

After a while you learn the subtle difference
Between holding a hand and chaining a soul,

And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning
And company doesn't mean security,

And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts
And presents aren't promises.

And you begin to accept your defeats
With your head up and your eyes open,
With the grace of an adult,
Not the grief of a child.

And you learn to build all your roads on today,
Because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans.

After a while you learn that even sunshine
Burns if you get too much.

So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul,
Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.

And you learn that you really can endure...
That you really are strong.
And you really do have worth,

and you learn
and you learn
with every goodbye, you learn…

Veronica A. Shoffstall

And so, the path again becomes foggy.

What was clear, now gets compounded

By the very thing that I ran away from.

I ran for so long, and in the end I came to this:

How can I run, when I run from myself?

How can I hide, when I hide from myself?

What place is there without You,

When You are within me?

"Staring at the ceiling in the dark
Same old empty feeling in your heart
'Cause love comes slow and it goes so fast

Well you see her when you fall asleep
But never to touch and never to keep...
'Cause you loved her too much
And you dived too deep

Well you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go

Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missin' home
Only know you love her when you let her go

And you let her go"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBumgq5yVrA&feature=youtu.be

You.

I am a sponge.
I soak up, I absorb, and I take in.
I notice, I observe, and I feel.
Others slide in & out of situations,
Immune to the tensions, the dilemmas, and the shocked silences.

I hold on.
I look around and I empathise.
My minds eye can't let go.
In that moment, I become one with the other. ...
I see what they see.
The injustice, the unfairness and the betrayal.
The images and the unsaid, they remain.

Hard to shake off, I find it strange.
The others, they speak without care.
My mind races, I evaluate & then re-evaluate.
How, what, why and when should I speak?
But they, the others, they don’t think.
Hurtful & contemptuous, they don’t stop.
They lie, the malicious rumours they spread.
But closer than my jugular vein, I know You know.

I sigh, I breathe, and I look away.
My tongue, heavy with responsibility, only wants to please.
Not they, not the others, no. Just You.

© Amy Serafina

The daughter you never saw grow

They say time’s a healer, but no, they lie.
The gap you left only gets bigger each day.
The girl you left behind became a woman you'll never know.

You were my shade in the sun, my umbrella in the rain.
You kept me safe; your strong arms guiding my path.
In tears of sadness & joy, your wisdom I'll never have again.

You'll never give me away or see my children grow.
Yet somehow, you live within me every day.
Your absence drives me more than your presence ever could.

I imagine you sitting cross legged with your head buried in a book.
A piping hot cup of tea and a prayer mat by your side.
Every now & then you burst into song!

Maybe you'll look down one day & smile,
knowing I tried my best,
to be the daughter you never saw grow.

© Amy Serafina

Random conversations

Two friends (male and female) on the train discuss how the female friend should dump a guy after one date. After 15minutes of a thorough analysis, they agree to her telling him that “there’s no chemistry, so there will be no biology” (!).

I exist.

It was a small cut. A single blade dug deep into my leg. A sharp scratch. A slight burn as the skin peeled open. Intense pain spiralling through me. Familiar. Comforting. Soothing.

The blood trickled out, bit by bit. A pool of red gathered at my foot. My leg, bloodied & marked, ached. Deep sigh. The relief! Oh, how good it feels!

I exist. I am real. And this, yes THIS tells me so.

© All rights belong to Amy Serafina.